I wish I were not a woman sometimes. Men do have so much more fun.

I am reading this book at present about Western Civilization and the current topic is Greek philosophy and how all Greek men, poor and rich alike were expected to discuss things like politics and religion. Well, that's the gist of it anyway, the topic goes deeper than that. Women, however, were expected to "mind the children and find food an bedding when the men return". In other words, clean the house, cook the food, have as many babies as they possibly could, prop up their man's machismo from time to time and not concern themselves with the deeper things in life, philosophy, politics, science, religion, history and the world in general.

Even these days in some of the more conservative circles I run in, people still have that view of women. I have too inquisitive a mind to want to not find out things. I should go mad were my existence reduced to cooking, cleaning, labour pains, and mending socks. (Although I do like to crochet.....) There has GOT to be a happy medium somewhere! Ye gods! Sometimes I wish I were a man!

Charles is better. I miss my tortoiseshell horribly at times though. My Chessie. I still dream about her often. There are times, when I dream, that I can hold her again, and feel her breathe, and hear her purr. Oh baby! I miss you!!!

A few months ago I had a very moving dream about her, and really it was a turning point in my grief. I dreamed I had her again and this time I knew she was going to die. I said "Chess, you are going to die, you know." She said to me, not audibly as much as I just sensed her saying to me "Well, that gives us more time to prepare for it then doesn't it." I don't remember much more of the dream save that later on she was gone and I was saying "I miss you. I wish you did not have to go." It almost seemed that she hushed me and said "I know. I know you miss me, I know you I'm sorry I had to go, but it was my time. I know you love me, don't be too sad....." and she was gone.

I finally got to say goodbye, but I think a part of me went with her.