Such is my life.....

This week I did something I should have done long ago, although it nearly killed me. I finally let Charles go. Two years ago, nearly, he told me that it was not wise for us to be lovers, so we returned to being friends. Little did I know that he had further intentions. I do not believe he did it maliciously, just that he could do aught else. Neither could I. We kept hardly and distance between each other and for the past few months we have been on the threshold of lovers again.

I love him very much, but there are some things about both of us that would make us miserable if we married. The past two years have been mourning years for me, and finally I just let go......

He is not happy with me. He says it feels like I slapped his face. I would never do that, least of all to him. He says I was all he wanted for three years. Does he not think that it was the same for me? I had to do it, but I still mourn and I will mourn for many days. If I could take all the pain I have given him upon myself so that he could go away happy and free I would. I regret nothing, and he made me happier than I have been in years. But it is better this way.

I lost my job in November. With the economy, I have yet to find new employment. I am working a temporary assignment at a college book store through the 22nd. I am glad it only lasts that long, for I have to be on my feet five hours a day. I could never do retail as a living.

On the other hand, Puddleglum and I have become a bit closer. I forgot how I missed her, dear thing. I wish I had a hundred friends like that. But then that would not make the one special. Puddle is the only one left of the old guard I still keep in touch with. Aye, and recently she has hooked me into the world of Dr. Who. For which I am also grateful. I asked her today what The Doctor would have done if he had ever met a Wiggle and she said "Tried to cheer it up I suppose." I countered "And offered it a Jelly Baby." Cheering up a Wiggle is a very impossible task of course.

That is what I have been doing. I will post more often now. Perhaps someone besides me will read it.